It's Okay to Feel Okay

Ever since my father passed away on Wednesday evening I have been bombarded with text, calls, emails, FB post and messages asking me how I am doing.  I will admit that the first few hours were very difficult to deal with mostly because I am in St. Louis and parents are in Phoenix.  I hated that I couldn't be there to say goodbye or to support my mom.   As the night went on my feelings changed.  I started to feel thankful that he was no longer suffering.  How ironic was it that I had just written a post earlier that day about the Circle of Life?  I almost felt as if the Lord was answering my prayers.  I was also grateful to have been able see him in August and spend a little time with him.  I told him it was okay to be tired {of living} and that we all would understand if he is ready to give up and move on.  My father was beyond full of life.  I cannot even begin to describe how amazing this individual was.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have been able to call him "Dad".   My father was sick for so long and deteriorating so fast.  The last time I saw him he just wasn't himself at all.  There was such sadness in his eyes.   
So whenever anyone asks me now how I'm doing I tell them great... I couldn't be better.  I am ecstatic that my daddy is home with Jesus.  He is home with his brother and father and mother and my grandma and aunt, etc... He is with my doggie!!  ha ha ha   He is no longer in pain.  He is running and jumping and singing and laughing and hookin' and jabbin- my dad was a boxer.  At first they stay quiet not really understanding why I'm not crying my eyes out and asking why but then they realize how much I really did love my dad and how he is in a much better place right now.  I have to tell them that It's okay for me to feel okay!!  Do I miss my father?  Yes, but I've missed my dad for about 3 years now.  He not only left the state but he checked out mentally.  Will I miss hearing his voice?  More than anything!  But you see, he still talks to me.  
Last night I woke up to cover Bella with a blanket.  All of a sudden I my head was flooded with all these memories of my dad.  Suddenly it was like he and I were sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and exchanging memories back and forth as we laughed.  These were memories I couldn't believe I allowed myself to forget. It was like, "hey, how about the time you did ___?"  Ha Ha Ha   It was great.  And then suddenly there was like this fog and I was just sitting in my bed with this huge smile on my face.  I just said, "thanks for that dad!"  And I went to bed.  
I look forward to my relationship with my new guarding angel!  I will always be his princess and he will always be my hero.  I feel closer to him now than I have in many years!!